Writing the Angry Email – One Way to Process Anger

Anger is a part of life. How we deal with it can make all the difference for our mental and emotional health. Our responses to things that anger and hurt us are often reactive. We yell when there is a misunderstanding. We break or hit things or punch holes in walls when we feel enraged. We abuse each other and ourselves.

One super helpful technique to diffuse anger is to write an angry email to the person or people you’re angry with, that you don’t intend to send. Write everything out. Don’t sugarcoat anything. You don’t have to worry about hurting their feelings or causing more conflict, because they won’t be reading it. Don’t hold back. Include everything that comes to mind, any and all details you can think of, and any emotions it brings up. Ask any questions you have. Write in all capital letters whenever you’re yelling in your mind! Do whatever you need to do to feel like you’ve expressed all your thoughts and feelings on the issue. This email might take days, weeks, months, even years to finish. With some relationships, it might be an ongoing email. Use the email to help you. This doesn’t solve the problem or eliminate the issue, but it can help in multiple ways.

Writing can help you manage the wave of emotions that can come with any tense situation. Conflicts, especially within families and close relationships, can cause us tremendous stress, anger and sadness. The process of writing it all out helps to navigate the many emotions. It also helps the energy to flow rather than staying stuck within you. Writing through a situation can help you to detach, by allowing you to feel like it’s on paper (or your phone/computer) so you can hold onto it less tightly in your mind. Writing it out can also help if you’re inclined to replay details, obsess over conversations, or have a hard time remembering how things happened.

Writing in general can be very meditative. You might feel the anger as rage, sadness, anxiety, tension or nervousness. These may cause physical effects such as sweaty palms, nervous tingling in your hands and feet, or heat in your chest. You might feel that as you write, these physical feelings start to decrease and then subside. Once you’ve done this writing process, you might have a whole new perspective and understanding on the issue and find yourself feeling much less angry.

We all need safe spaces to process our anger. Enlightened Solutions wants to help. Call (833) 801-LIVE.