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How to Date When You Are Newly Sober

It may have been your go-to invitation to tell your date that the two of you should grab a drink together. Now that you are in treatment and entering a newly sober world, you might not know what to do if your partner casually tempts you to get a drink. By keeping firm about how important your sobriety is and thinking of sober activities that you both can enjoy, you will have an amazing first sober date. 

Dry Date 

While you may have chosen to lead a sober lifestyle, it does not mean that you will not feel tempted to drink again if you are hanging around places that serve drinks. This can mean avoiding places like bars or any other venues that serve drinks. Do your research in advance before the date and see if there are any places in your area that are alcohol-free. 

You can try to have your date be in the daytime instead so that you and your date can get out for some fresh air. Examples can mean going horseback riding, having a picnic in the park, going to a museum, or to the fair. You may be safe with family-friendly activities as they will not endorse alcohol beverage sales with children around. Your date may take you as a more creative person this way in coming up with various unique activities that will bring life and fun into your day compared to the predictable drink out.

Be Honest

The first step of the 12 Step program tells us that it is important to admit that we are powerless when it comes to alcohol. If you know that about yourself, it is important that you let your date know that too. You may be scared that if you put on your online dating profile that you do not drink, no one will want to take a second look at your profile. Do not assume that everyone is looking for someone to drink with. There are people looking for a date that have no interest in drinking whether they are in recovery or not. If your date asks you why you do not drink, plan out what to respond. You can initially just start off saying that you no longer drink. Then once the two of you get to know each other better, you can share your story.

Qualities in a Partner

If your date has a problem with you not drinking, do not feel like you did anything wrong. Anyone who has a problem with you not drinking is not someone that you should be spending time with. They could be completely disrespectful and still want to drink in front of you without caring about your chances of relapsing. Think if you want the type of date who understands what recovery is, is currently in recovery themselves, or just does not want alcohol to be a part of their diet. Keep in mind that it can be hard to date someone who is also in recovery in that if your partner relapses, you may feel the need to do the same to avoid sticking out or because seeing your partner enjoy drinking will remind you of how you used to enjoy it. While this may happened, it does not mean that it will always happening when dating someone who is also in recovery. 

Avoid Love Addiction

Because you are no longer drinking anymore, you could still be seeking something else to hook onto as a replacement. Do not use your partner is a replacement drug as it can scare them away. This can mean that you have decided that you are in love with your date when you have not known each other that well. You want this to be something that works out for you which will cause you to rush things and push onto them. It is important to take it slowly as it will ensure that you continue having more dates with this person. Make sure that you are emotionally at a place where you can handle new emotions that come with dating and be prepared in the outcome of this being a lasting relationship or being one that does not work out. 

Not Turning Back to Alcohol

You may have gone into this relationship thinking that there will be no problems now that you are going into this sober and that this may be a lasting relationship. While not drinking anymore may increase your chances of having a lasting relationship, it does not mean that there still will not be problems as sober couples still have fights and breakups. When that happens, do not use that as an excuse to go back to drinking. If you are feeling angry or emotional, go into another room and try to breathe and the two of you should speak when you are both calm and collected.

Continue with Recovery Tools

Living a sober dating life does not mean you should stop what you are doing to achieve sobriety. This means continuing to go to your 12 Step meetings, seeing a therapist, mindfulness techniques, exercising, and anything else to help you with your sobriety. Once you and your date decide to enter a serious relationship, that person can help you towards recovery like attending meetings with you. Knowing how important your sobriety is and being honest with your date will ensure a successful relationship. 

Located on the shore of Southern New Jersey, Enlightened Solutions is a recovery center using evidence-based therapies and holistic healing to treat addiction and mental illness. With the opportunity to learn about therapies that are keyed in to healing the human spirit and learning about new stress reducing techniques centered around a 12 step network, you will be ensure a lasting recovery. For more information, please call us at 833-801-LIVE as we are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.